E22 - Changing The Things We Can

The Tim-Tam straw experience, Calendar Girls continue to bark up the wrong tree, a flailing talk on change. A slightly overdue library magazine and some coughing at the end for a treat and evidence I'm not AI (like you needed that).

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Hello and welcome to the NAM podcast. It's me, your old mate CJ, back for another episode. Thanks for tuning in. I hope you guys have had some good stuff and things happen in your week and I hope the sun was shinin' where wherever you were. Um bloody hell it feels like we're gonna fucking float away float away where I'm living. Jeez Lewigs, bring on summer 'cause fuck. I'm sick of the rain. I'm sick of the rain and I'm also like seeing friends f fucking videos of like sunny old Nelson and um yeah, man. Oh my gosh. It'll be here eventually. It'll be here eventually, and then you can best be sure that I'll be complaining about how fucking hot it is, so yeah. Anyways, bloody good week as per usual, even though she was a bit moist again this week. The four-day working week just blummin flew by. Had a potluck potluck, a potluck smoko for one of the staff, um, which mate, I was almost at tears at eh. It was so beautiful. And just a quick reminder to the ladies out there, make sure you check your boobies and um if you can't be bothered and you have a partner, I can almost guarantee they will volunteer as tribute. And if you if you don't have a partner, I'm sure you'll be able to find somebody who will volunteer as tribute. Whether that option is good or not, like I don't know, but you know, beggars can't be choosers. You can always still check them yourselves, okay? Well, breaking news, I had my first blummin Tim Tam. You can tell this week has just been riveting. You will you will find that in this episode my week has just been full of riveting experiences. But yeah, mate, I had my first Tim Tam straw experience, and I don't know if if other places in the world have like Tim Tams or even use their Tim Tams as straws, but I will I will try and explain what this experience was like for me. And like I've always been the type of person that's like like Tim Tams would make such a shit straw, and like I couldn't understand even the the logistics of how a Tim Tam was gonna function as a straw. Like I thought it it melted out the middle bit, and if fuck if other places in the world don't have a Tim Tam, it's a biscuit, okay? It's a chocolate-covered biscuit with like there's a filling in it, you can get like caramel-filled ones, you can get ones like white chocolate ones, dark chocolate ones. Um, but yeah, they're on Google. If you don't know what I'm fucking talking about, Google's Google's there and you can Google it. But I've yeah, I've I just genuinely I thought it might have, yeah, melted out the middle filling bit and then like the rest of it was gonna make a straw bit like straight up wrong. That was wrong. And uh what I was met with was like effectively a soggy biscuit. And I'm not a big fan of the sog. Like I lit literally don't even eat sandwiches because I don't like soggy bread, and I've got this thing from working in hospo where I like I've seen so many fucking soggy serviettes and sinks and stuff. Um Yuck. Like I just I don't I don't like sog. Is that did people like soggy? Is that like a do people like soggy? I don't know, maybe that's just I I don't know. I don't fucking know. Um but yeah, so I digress. But the Tim Tam straw, so that's where you bite off bite off the end of your Tim Tam. And I found actually the easiest way to do this is like bite off a corner, like diagonal corners, because biting off the whole Tim Tam, like I did that on one end, and it kind of doesn't really it doesn't leave a clear clean line, which the OCD kind of kicked in. So I reckon the next time I do it, because I only had one Tim Tam when I was trying this, but I'll go for like diagonal corners next time. But yeah, far out. It was l literally like a like a dessert in a chocolate showl, like a tiramisu biscuit, like a you know how they soak the is it Scotch fingers or something? Soak the fucking biscuits? Yeah, like one of those, but with the chocolatey outside still intact and oh fuck. It was revolutionary, honestly, like my life will never be the same after that. If you haven't tried it, ten out of ten recommend. I've got a I've got a um couple of packets of chit-chats, which are the Griffin's versions of those, and I'm gonna try it with those, but I'm pretty sure they're just like, yeah, they're fucking Tim Tems, but just with a different name. So I think they're gonna work too. I had um had some wild Facebook um out fuck. I'm just sitting here thinking to myself, man, what have you been up to this week? But uh in all honesty, I had my working week, and then um by the end of the week I did I wasn't sure if I had hay fever or not, and I was a little bit sneezy, and uh the roof of my mouth was a little itchy, but I also felt a little bit under the weather, and then it got to my days off, and I was like, uh when was that? The night before last. Um I was like, yeah, hundred percent I'm fucking sick. Um, but yeah, I'd made a chicken soup and uh smashed back that with some garlic bread and oh no, sorry, that was yesterday evening. Yeah, smashed back some put some I've just been eating so much garlic, like crushed garlic out of the jar. I have been I got some chia barter bread and I put some butter on there. I chucked them in the toaster, chucked some butter on it, and I literally it was just straight garlic out of the jar on there for like yeah. Full send garlic bread because I don't want to be fucking sick. I do not want to be sick any yeah, I think I was sick, but it was pretty minor in all honesty. And last week I made a um oh sorry, this week. I made a comida and carrot soup too, and I put like heaps of ginger, heaps of garlic in it, and uh a bit of lemon juice at the end, which kind of gave it like this tang, which was frickin' on. It was so good. I reckon it's one of the best soups that I've made, and it was literally garlic ginger, fried off in some some olive oil, carrots, comida, like not heaps, so that it because I I yeah, I have a tendency to make real like I don't know, like sloppy soups, like um fucking um like too thick, too thick, so it's like a like yeah, just slop effectively. But this one was real good ratio, chucked a stock pot, one of those little continental like jelly pot things, stock pots in there, and yeah, then whizzed it all up at the end had to add a little bit more water, whizzed it all up with the stick blender, bit of freaking lemon juice, Bob's your uncle. Fucking delicious, fucking delicious. Um but yeah, anyway, the Facebook algorithm. I um a friend of mine shared a reel on her story of these like beautiful, I don't know where they were from, I probably could have got the person's, I think it was a guy who was making them his Facebook, but these gored light shades, and they were amazing, like absolutely amazing. The light that they were throwing too, because like there was shadows and stuff, and he did a lot of like it was heaps of dots and patterns in them. So like, yeah, it was fan amazing, fantastic, and then I was like, wow, and the music that was playing, I felt so inspired after watching it, and then I like scroll like flick up to the next thing, and it's an ad and it's calendar girls are hiring, you could make three thousand plus dollars in a night. I'm like, how the fuck? Like Facebook just comes out with its cane and velvet suit and fucking full air pants and hits the like I don't know what you heard about me. But because I'm a motherfucking P A M P. Yeah, wild, wild work algorithm Facebook. Like Calendar Girls, to be fair, has been like hitting hitting those ads for a while. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. The the cost of living crisis, man, like surely, surely they're like inundated with women that like can't make ends meet. I would have thought that'd be like a prime time at the moment to get staff in that industry, but I don't know. Uh I don't know. That's just my outsiders' view. Maybe it's just fucking going off so much that people are like, fuck it, like yeah, it is what it is. I may as well go to the strip club and they just can't get enough girls in there for the for the customers. Maybe who knows? Like boobies, boobies do make you happy, don't they? So, you know, like yeah, maybe maybe everyone maybe heaps of people are depressed and they just want to go see some teddies. Which fuck, who am I to judge? But yeah, nah, I'm probably probably not gonna be doing that anytime soon. But like like yeah, good on them for trying. Good on them for trying, I guess. Um Yeah. Next topic. On the subject of music, I got my fucking head unit in. So I had my two days of doing fuck all and um and just getting better and resting and feeling guilty a little bit actually that I wasn't out there getting my garden sorted, but oh, fuck. Still tired, scares me. Um but yeah, got my got my head unit in today. I thought, fuck it. I went outside and because the sun was shining, I'd actually I actually stepped out my front door just to get a bit of frickin' vitamin D. And um, and then I looked at my car and I was like, oh man, if I'm gonna do anything this weekend, then maybe I'll just like clean my car. And so I got in my car, cleaned it, gave it a good vacuum and stuff, got some seat covers on there, and then just one job rolled into the next day, and I started looking at this head unit, started getting a fucking headache from the stupid bloody thing, because I think I'm did I mention this on another episode, but AI set me up, man, with the with the wire colours, and I go I fucking googled it or AI'd it or whatever, and it set me up, and I'd done it with like the crimping tool, and uh fuck. And it's just literally sat there for ages and it's just been like a massive hole in the middle of the dash with wires hanging out of the centre. But like, to be fair, I feel like it was probably a pretty good car thief deterrent. Uh not I don't know if that really happens around these ways, but like, yeah, I'd say if they did, they'd probably fucking rock up and have a look through the window and think that the car was probably already hot, so just leave it the fuck alone. Like it it looked so bad. It looked so bad. Um But yeah, nah. Um I got that in, got that sorted, and she to be completely honest, like I hope I hope I hope I don't have a car crash. Well, I hope I don't have a car crash regardless, but um she's not bolted in at the back and cause the bracket of the last head unit doesn't line up like this new you get like a fascia plate because it was a stock stock standard frickin' uh head unit that I pulled out, the original one, and which is why it was such a fucking nightmare to find out which wires were what. Um yeah, but she's not she's not bolted in at the back. And to be honest, even if she was bolted in at the back, the parts where you can put the n like the bolts in, uh, or the screws or whatever you want to call them, um they're plastic, like a real tiny bit of plastic. I'm like, that's gonna fucking snap off anyways, and it's still gonna end up like smashing me in the face. But yeah, what's a free bit of dental A on ACC if that does happen? Like there's always a silver lining. There's always a silver lining. And speaking of silver linings, this week's theme and mo a lot of like theme of today, really, as well, um, is change. Change and being able to like change the things that I can today. And um it made me think as well, like something that a friend of mine said ages ago about like asking people asking people if they don't don't make the changes today that they feel like they could, if they don't make any changes today, where would they be in five years? Where would they be in two years? Where would you be in a year? Or frickin whatever. Um The reason being was kind of to like allow people the opportunity to self-reflect and see that maybe growth was necessary. And maybe if you're listening to this podcast that may maybe you vibe a little bit with that sort of thing. Um I don't know if you're just purely here for the sweet jokes and the shit yarns about the weeks that I've done fuck all with. But um maybe, I don't know. Maybe you're just holding out and waiting for the the um the story number two about when I shit my pants yeah, when I shit my pants. Um Oh man. But yeah, change A, like I think this journey of of that I'm on this journey that I'm on, um I've I've had di I've had other parts of my my life journey where I've realized that maybe some changes would be positive to make. And then it kind of gets down to the cr the what do you call it the crunch, the crunch line or the f the frickin' um it get gets real anyways and the change is necessary and I I fucking I I shit the bed, like I run and I go ba and I'd gone yeah, this has happened quite a few times, like whether in my particular experience, but it's interchangeable with like whatever people are struggling with, uh, whether it be food, sex and love addiction, pornography, uh shopping, gambling, cigarettes, vaping, um fuck, what else? Uh like gimming to the point of like you're actually doing damage to yourself, like anything that has become uh detrimental, I guess, to oneself and like b wanting to fill the void, it can fuck, it can also be the opposite as well, you know, like eating disorders too, anorexia, um self-harming, all that sort of stuff. Anyways, it's interchangeable in my in my opinion. But um, yeah, with my with my particular journey, it was um alcohol and drugs. And um, yeah, usually my pattern was I'd have a shit night on the piss or whatever, and I'd rage out in my young years, I'd rage out, or I'd have a relationship breakup, or something would happen that I would just like feel like a piece of shit, and I'm like, ugh, like I can't do this anymore, I need some help. And so usually my go-to was I'd go to the rooms, or also maybe if I didn't make it to a 12-step fellowship, the amount of I'm reminded of like the amount of Facebook posts I'd put up, like, yeah, never drinking again, or I'd even just make that promise to myself, like, I'm never drinking again, or like my closest relatives or friends, or whatever, I'm never drinking again, and then the next weekend rolls around, I'm back on it. Um or like that, yeah, the guilt and shame wears off of me flipping out or saying something or whatever, um, just acting like a frickin' idiot. Um and yeah, and I'd rinse and repeat instead of just actually making those changes. Like I don't I'm not a professional in an addiction, but I've got my own um my own lived experience. And the only difference that I had this time round was that I just kept doing the things that I I don't know, I'm maybe I just was like, I'm I actually am fucking done. Like I'm fucking done. I this time round was predominantly drinking and party party drugs and even still like I didn't really I didn't really fool send as much as the people that I was hanging around until until I did and I fucking unleashed a beast and then I I realised like oh shit I'm in trouble here. I've been been through this before. Uh I think it's time to get some help. So um yeah, so that's what I did and I just did the things and it was raw and it was fucking hard at times too, but at the same time there's also a sense of like um there's also a sense of maybe like just allowing myself to be a beginner for the first time and being in a group of people or groups, like multiple different groups of people, um that knew more than I did, that had knowledge and wisdom in the areas that I was lacking, which let's be honest, pretty much all of them. Um if you if you asked me how to fuck your life up, I could probably point you in the right direction. But in terms of like living a life without substances to rely on, oh yeah, I knew nothing. And that was kind of refreshing. I also I used to like shout it at the frickin' rooftops as well, and like try and patch everything over of like don't worry, it's okay, like I'm not drinking anymore, or like I'm clean now, or whatever. But this time round I kept it pretty on the down low and um and even like set that boundary with somebody who who was kind of continuing that pattern for me on my behalf, and I was like, nah, like this is this is my journey, this is nobody else's business, and that kind of took some of the pressure off too, like of me changing. Um and to be honest, I don't think everybody liked the change either or knew what to do with the change. I distanced myself from the friend group that I was in. Um I distanced myself Yeah fuck from from a lot of people actually at the start in order to kind of not slip back because I knew how many times the the amount of times that I'd I'd tried and failed um I knew that it was important to to distance myself from myself from um yeah the people that would have made it easier easy to slip back into old coping mechanisms um so yeah and then just slowly over a period of time like that one change that I made of like I'm not drinking I don't drink um I don't drink I don't do drugs it was more so the drinking this time round so but um but yeah like that one change alone which was pretty frickin' fundamental like I come from a family that like yeah um family family get g get togethers all that sort of stuff birthdays Christmases blah de blah like all revolved around drinking um so yeah yeah fun fundamental change but also just one change and then the rest kind of followed and I didn't really know where that change was gonna lead me um I didn't really have any expectation apart from the expectation because if I had no expectations I probably wouldn't have done it but I kind of had the expectation that I'd be a bit less miserable than what I was before. Like um I remember like some nights in the last one that I was drinking like relapse whatever you want to call it um but like yeah getting home there there was a couple of times where when I got home hadn't been to sleep or whatever like up all night frickin' doing whatever I was doing. I remember one particular morning I got home I just made it in the door and like the corner of my couch, the arm of my couch was right there by my door and I just fucking burst into tears. Like I was fucking bawling my eyes out because I just I felt like I didn't fit I felt like nobody really liked me. To be honest I really didn't fucking like myself and um yeah just like a lot of guilt, shame, embarrassment just felt really fucking sad and sorry. Um but that wasn't that wasn't the day that I fucking made the decision to get clean yeah fuck oh my gosh um yeah you're not done until you're done are you fuck but yeah the change the change and it's been a series of changes too and I'm still changing and learning and yeah that's really nice to know like the journey continues and their level of freedom too is infinite. Is it infinite? Do the monks keep leveling up in their level of infiniteness and and their level of freedom like is there infinite freedom or do you like just make you just hit a ceiling and then you're like oh yeah I'm all good oh I'm completely free but you're never completely free are you because oh my gosh here we fucking go this is where my old m workmate used to say pass the bong um I just have one of those minds that thinks like way too deep but um yeah you're never fully free though are you because you're still in a meat sack on this earth so mmm interesting interesting but I guess that's all part of the human experience isn't it all part of the human experience and I feel like um I've actually been watching the Hunger Games this week and finished all four of the movies. I think there's a fifth one and maybe is there a sixth one coming out I think I've only seen four um the first one the second one and then the part one and two that come after those and yeah I think there's another one haven't seen that one and then I'm also pretty fucking hyped about the last one but um yeah they say in the hunger games like um remember who the real enemy is and oh my gosh by the way are we all not just living in the fucking hunger games just without the games like the fucking game where they send in their tributes like man there were so many similarities and it was pretty scary to watch actually but um yeah so they say in there remember who the real enemy is and I've been thinking about that like mulling away on that and I guess in their in in that movie it's um like they're referring to like the government or whatever like people and um oh fuck what do they call it fa is it factions or whatever? No or whatever they call it like section frickin' two and eleven or whatever. Can't remember what they call them. But um yeah they were turning on each other and then they're like remember who the real enemy is but like I think for some people might relate to this I don't know I'm sure a lot of people will relate to this but I feel like um I've had an enemy in my head for a lot of my life that maybe makes me sound like a little bit schizophrenic but like nothing against the schizophrenics either shout shout out but um like I think in Christianity they call it the devil I think in Buddhism they'd call it like the ego but there's like this little there's this part of like maybe science calls it like fucking I don't know um I actually fucking don't know like the subconscious but like with a negativity bias. Um but yeah like whatever that was that was the fucking that was the I think that's been like a huge change for me like yes that voice can still be there at times but actually making making the changes and like rewiring the language that I use about myself and others and because it's kind of all interchangeable like if I'm bagging on others then it tends to kind of like reinforce that like bagging on myself and if I'm like loving towards others then it reinforces the love towards myself. It's like a symbiotic relationship between like the inner world and the outer world I don't know fuck but um yeah like that um that internal monologue used to be so so frickin' harsh so harsh and just downright cruel actually at times when I think about it. Um so yeah like I didn't realise that that was gonna be part of like my recovery journey and the changes that I was making and that I'd be able to like practice having boundaries and shit like that. Oh my gosh. Yeah if you'd told me that was all part of it I'd be like what the fuck what even what even is this or also like yeah what are you talking about? Um I want to get sober like what the fuck but yeah anyways yeah that was the thing that was the thing and I guess um on the topic of changing the things I can change um actually spending less time on accepting the things that I can't change like other people and yeah things just fucking outside of myself has left me so much more time to actually focus on the things that I can change like that those negative thinking patterns like um actually looking after myself like blemin taking care of my basic frickin' basic things like doing the frickin' housework and washing my dishes that used to frickin' stack up for days on end. Um to be fair that can still happen sometimes these days but um but yeah like all in all like generally that's the exception not the rule these days which is pretty pretty rad and it all just leads to I guess more more self-worth more self-esteem they say like self-esteem builds by doing esteemable things and I used to think like what the fuck but it makes so much sense like it's actually in the actions of changing too because I could have sat there and wanted recovery to be this magical magical thing and therapy and 12-step fellowship and life coaching courses and all this stuff um to be like this magical yeah waiver wand and make everything better but unfortunately uh well unfortunately um yeah it comes by the actions like actually putting in the work and making the changes and frickin' yeah just doing the stuff and things doing the stuff and things anyways that's my rant on this week's Blimmin on this week's uh theme theme of the week of change so yeah a little uh thought a little prov prov thought provocation if you please uh where are you making change in your own life today where have you made changes already and it's paying off and where would you like to make change now? And what do you want to do about it? Do you want to do anything about it? Sometimes I identify change and I'm like nah I'm not actually I don't want to do anything about that right now. And then life on life's terms generally comes around it's like yeah yeah you you're probably gonna do something about that. I'm like no ah fuck alright okay I'll make the changes then you're you're right you're right anyway in other news in other news this week I had a little Google because I didn't have any fuck that's funnies and I didn't really feel like doing fuck that's facts this week either so here's this little segment called in other news um I see this guy named John in New Hampshire has found like the best life hack for overdue library fees. So the bro took in an overdue magazine which was um 132 years overdue oh my gosh I hate keep having to pause and like cough but every time I cough I feel like I'm about to piss misself oh my gosh I haven't even had children yet what is happening but yeah so he took this fucking magazine back actually I guess this could go down as a fuck that's funny because I think this is pretty funny um I don't know who he said he doesn't know he's like he doesn't know how it wound up his in his possession um it had been in his home for years I reckon it's intergenerational fucking library fees mate honestly I reckon but um yeah this magazine had chopped up twelve hundred and fifty five is New Hampshire England so that my it says twelve hundred and fifty five dollars I don't know if that's actually been converted into New Zealand dollars or if that's surely they'd have pounds if that was dollars but but yeah twelve thousand and fifty five dollars and um it was freaking Oh my gosh I'm developing a cough now I'm down with the sickness oh dear but yeah 48,220 days overdue up the WAS let's go that's what I'm talking about John I hope you make it to the frickin' Guinness World Records mate that's beautiful work absolutely beautiful work and what a life hack like if you want to avoid the library fees you go oh shit I didn't take little Timmy's frickin' whatever book back oh gosh um fucking just wait a hundred and what was it? 132 years. All good just don't even worry about it. Leave it for the next generations and I think it said in there they had like a a fine free time or something like what was it? Um yeah hearing about the facility's current freeze on overdue fines yeah that's what we have to do like that's the definition of patience eh straight up definition of patience just a couple of generations that's all you need that's all you need anyways that's me guys I need to go get I need to go get some sleep and um good news Phil is in the country and um bl blum I'm just so excited man I'm so excited that Phil is in our beautiful country experiencing the beauty and currently windiness in Todonga but um yeah what a beautiful place for him to experience so glad that my auntie picked him up from Auckland and took him back to Todonga because oh fuck nobody needs to be spending time in Auckland. No offence to the Aucklanders um I was born there unfortunately luckily I got out early um but yeah anyways so looking forward to seeing him and um Phil I hope you have a beautiful time up there that is me for this week family thanks so much for tuning in and listening to the words coming out of my mouth through your speakers or headphones or whatever you're listening to to this on and um yeah thanks for your support. Alrighty that's me for this week hope you have a good one you'll hear me on the next one. Bye